In 2006, my husband & I decided to try to have a baby. Well...I decided, and I somehow convinced him. Because we were also building a house at the time, and "What if you get pregnant during the move...", yadda yadda. So I came off The Pill, and thus began the "trying". After a few months, we were starting to get a little antsy, but also knew that technically we weren't considered "struggling with infertility" until we'd been trying for a year.
I won't go into the details of the "trying" years (I have written about
some of my struggles at the time); just know that it involved "home remedies", ovulation calendars, Clomid, ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, bloodwork, an
HSG, testing for the hubs, unwelcomed advice from random people, and lots of crying. Most of my friends were getting pregnant & having babies, and I was not. It was a very difficult time, and I struggled spiritually & emotionally. Every time a friend announced she was pregnant, the bittersweet emotions I felt were so overwhelming, it exhausted me. I was genuinely happy for my friends - I really was. And yet I was also so discouraged that
it wasn't me. It was tough, y'all.
In 2008,
we decided to consider adoption. I won't lie: at this point, adoption was a back-up plan. It was my "I guess if I can't get pregnant, I need to consider adoption" plan. Don't get me wrong; I clearly felt as if God was calling us to adopt. But I also still strongly desired pregnancy, and would have been totally ok if God wanted to go on & proceed with our Plan A. Then, in 2009,
I became pregnant, I found out
I'd lost our baby, and we once again got
back into the adoption process, only this time with more passion than before. I cannot put into words what happened to me between the pregnancy/miscarriage and the decision to once again pursue adoption, but I know it was God leading me, growing me, and assuring me that this was
His Plan A.
Fast forward to 2014. I have two amazing children. God chose to send them to us through adoption, and each of their stories is beautiful. (Read about their stories, and our adoption journey,
here.) Relationships formed with their birthmothers have blessed us more than we could have imagined. Technically, we are still infertile, since we have not gotten pregnant. But honestly, I do not long for pregnancy anymore.
At some point in my journey, God turned my desire for pregnancy into a desire for a child. And that is when I realized that I wanted to be a mommy - not necessarily a pregnant woman. I said goodbye to pregnancy, and fully embraced adoption. It is my heart now. This is not to belittle the miracle of pregnancy & childbirth, but to highlight the beauty of motherhood, however it may come about.
God desires for us to
take care of orphans, and I feel so inadequate, but want so badly to fulfill this desire He has for these children. If you are a believer in God's word, you know He wants you to
love Him & love each other;
act justly & love mercy;
never stop praying. Taking care of orphans and widows fits perfectly with God's overall desire for us to pursue relationships that glorify Him.
That is what God wants for
all of us - to develop & nurture relationships that glorify Him. I won't try to argue that the bible specifically commands all Christians to adopt a child. I don't believe God has that plan for each & every one of us. But I do know that God loves adoption, He loves all of His children, and fostering/adopting children is such a beautiful way to express God's love for everyone.
Everyone's path is different. God does not make missionaries out of everyone; He does not send everyone to the inner city; and He does not make foster or adoptive parents out of everyone. But is He calling YOU to adopt or foster an orphan? And if He is, are you listening? What will you do about it?
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