inspiration

I've been keeping a particular tidbit of information from the "blog world" {which includes Facebook, since I have my blog imported to FB as well} for the past couple of weeks. But I am somewhat transparent when it comes to my emotions and my life decisions, so I may as well share this now. We're back on the adoption train! I think Baron was ready before I was. After the miscarriage, I was quickly ready to start trying to get pregnant again. Well, it didn't happen immediately {obviously}, like everyone seemed to promise me. "You'll get pregnant right away - that always happens!" Really? Always? I know they were just trying to encourage us, but I also knew at the time that really, truly, SERIOUSLY...this is all about God's timing. And we have no idea what He has in store for us. So, after some praying, thinking, and researching, I was again turned back to the idea of adoption. But this time, it's not just a means to get a baby. This time, I feel compassion. I want to help a birthmother give her baby a better life. Of course, I desperately want a baby, and that desire has guided me to the idea of adoption. But the first time we started considering adoption, we were unsure whether or not I could get pregnant. This time, I know I can get pregnant, just not when. Am I scared of this process? Of course. But when I take my own fears, apprehensions, and anxieties out of the picture, I am so touched by the needs of another woman and her baby. I want to help. I can help. This is what I want to do.

Of course, as I have well learned through our infertility struggles, if this isn't God's plan, it won't happen. Who knows if his plan is for us to adopt, or if it's just to turn our compassionate eyes toward the needs of birthmothers, or if he will again bless my womb with a baby. Who knows? But this I do know: He will take care of us. He knows what we need. He has timed our lives so perfectly that I cannot lose faith in Him. I don't like it, of course. I don't like that I don't have a baby when all of my friends do. I don't like the emotional roller coaster this has been. I don't like that it makes Baron sad that he's not a daddy yet. But notice that all of those dislikes revolve around "I". And I'm not so sure this whole thing is just about "I". This is bigger than just me.

Having said all that...I want to share this video I came across today. I have some links on my blog to some adoption sites I find helpful, and on one of those sites, All You Who Hope, the author posted this video, and it is so inspiring to me. Enjoy.