to conceive or not to conceive...

So, I came across this article today which discusses whether or not contraception is a sin. I had already been thinking about this a little...well, not so much whether it's a SIN or not, but whether or not God wants Christians to use contraception for our "family planning". {BTW, I just retyped that sentence like 5 times, in an effort to seem unbiased and to also not step on any toes. I'm still not sure if I succeeded.} I haven't quite come to a conclusion yet on what I believe, except that I'm pretty sure He's not gonna send us to hell based on our choice in the matter. I can see both sides of the argument, so I plan to do some more studying on the subject. ANYWAY...I had already been thinking about it some when I came across this article. What do you think? No, really...I want your opinions! Just keep it friendly please. :)

Christians Reexamine Morality of Birth Control

by Kristen Moulton
Religion News Service

adoption update

Several people have been asking me & Baron how the adoption process is going. Most of you who are interested already know, but just for kicks {and because I have been neglecting the ole blog}, here's a quick post to bring you up-to-date.


1. The profile. We finally finished our profile! {For those of you not familiar with the adoption process, the adoptive couple makes a profile of themselves, which is basically like a "get to know us" sort of scrapbook deal. It's what the birthmother looks at when she picks parents for her child. This is basically the adoptive parents' marketing ploy. :)} We decided to do our profile a la Wal-mart photo book, and we FINALLY finished it. Just waiting on the 937 copies to arrive at our nearest Wal-mart store. {Ok so there are only 4 copies.}


2. The agencies. We started off using Carolina Hope out of South Carolina. They "merged" with Nightlight Christian Adoptions, so now they're known as Nightlight. Agape of Central Alabama did our homestudy. {Speaking of the homestudy, that has also been completed as well...whew.} So, we decided to have both Nightlight and Agape working for us. The more the merrier!


3. The books. Ah, the books. Both agencies require a certain amount of "education" before adopting. Nightlight offers several webinars, which we plan to do at some point in the near future. In the meantime, we are reading the oh-so-informative-and-slightly-boring adoption books we ordered.


4. The first phone call. A couple of weeks ago, I got a call from Nightlight. They had a birthmother who came in, and they wanted to show our profile! But alas, we did not have a copy, due to the procrastinative (?) nature of ourselves. So I quickly proofread what we did have & sent them a link to the online version of the photo book. Oh and p.s. the birthmother's due date? October 21st. But, as it turns out, she never got back in touch with the agency. Strike one.


5. The crib. So, after that first phone call, I got all giddy with the realization that this could happen ANY DAY NOW. Granted, the odds are that it will still be months, but who knows? So in an rare form of non-procrastination, I started thinking of what we need to do to prepare ourselves should we suddenly have a new baby in the house. Coincidentally {or not so coincidentally, as I don't believe in "coincidence"}, Elizabeth told me about this consignment sale in P'ville and how I may want to check it out for any awesome deals. So I went over on a Sunday afternoon, and lo and behold, there stood the exact style/color crib I'd been planning to get! And for the low, low price of $150 smackaroos. I got Baron's permission {via text, since he was in a coaches' meeting, oops!} and made the first official baby purchase. Fun times!


6. The second phone call. Just this past week, Agape called us. They got an e-mail from their sister agency in Texas - they had a birthmother who was being very particular about the adoptive parents she wanted. And we just so happened to fit her criteria. The catch? This agency's placement fees are WELL over our intended "baby budget". And by WELL over, I mean about $15,000 more than we planned to spend. Oh and the mom is due in December, which would give us 2 months to come up with that money. So, since we unfortunately purchased a red maple from my brother rather than a money tree, we had to ask not to have our profile shown for this case. It really broke my heart to come to this decision. I cried at the thought of having to basically tell this mom/baby "no, we can't afford to adopt your precious child into our home." {Yes, there are grants out there available for adoptive parents. Unfortunately, we just don't have time right now to get everything together to apply for them in time for this particular case.}


So, there you have it. Our adoption process thus far, in a nutshell. :) Feel free to ask questions...I'll consult my latest 1200-page book for an answer if I don't have one. :)

inspiration

I've been keeping a particular tidbit of information from the "blog world" {which includes Facebook, since I have my blog imported to FB as well} for the past couple of weeks. But I am somewhat transparent when it comes to my emotions and my life decisions, so I may as well share this now. We're back on the adoption train! I think Baron was ready before I was. After the miscarriage, I was quickly ready to start trying to get pregnant again. Well, it didn't happen immediately {obviously}, like everyone seemed to promise me. "You'll get pregnant right away - that always happens!" Really? Always? I know they were just trying to encourage us, but I also knew at the time that really, truly, SERIOUSLY...this is all about God's timing. And we have no idea what He has in store for us. So, after some praying, thinking, and researching, I was again turned back to the idea of adoption. But this time, it's not just a means to get a baby. This time, I feel compassion. I want to help a birthmother give her baby a better life. Of course, I desperately want a baby, and that desire has guided me to the idea of adoption. But the first time we started considering adoption, we were unsure whether or not I could get pregnant. This time, I know I can get pregnant, just not when. Am I scared of this process? Of course. But when I take my own fears, apprehensions, and anxieties out of the picture, I am so touched by the needs of another woman and her baby. I want to help. I can help. This is what I want to do.

Of course, as I have well learned through our infertility struggles, if this isn't God's plan, it won't happen. Who knows if his plan is for us to adopt, or if it's just to turn our compassionate eyes toward the needs of birthmothers, or if he will again bless my womb with a baby. Who knows? But this I do know: He will take care of us. He knows what we need. He has timed our lives so perfectly that I cannot lose faith in Him. I don't like it, of course. I don't like that I don't have a baby when all of my friends do. I don't like the emotional roller coaster this has been. I don't like that it makes Baron sad that he's not a daddy yet. But notice that all of those dislikes revolve around "I". And I'm not so sure this whole thing is just about "I". This is bigger than just me.

Having said all that...I want to share this video I came across today. I have some links on my blog to some adoption sites I find helpful, and on one of those sites, All You Who Hope, the author posted this video, and it is so inspiring to me. Enjoy.

update...

Sometimes I feel weird posting about my personal life, because I wonder why in the world anyone would care to read about my boring life. But, I do it anyway because (a) there are people who read this that I don't get to talk to often, and I want to keep them in the loop, and (b) it's therapeutic for me to blog and it will someday serve as a journal for me to look back on. Now that I have bored you already with my disclaimer, on to what I was going to update you on...

Baron and I have finally made the decision to pursue adoption. Of course it has been in the back of our minds for the past few months, after trying to get pregnant for two years, but we hadn't committed to actually researching & moving forward with the process. Well, a couple of weeks ago, we started talking about it again, and Baron said to me, "What if we don't have a baby yet because there are so many people out there who don't want theirs?" And it suddenly hit me - maybe that is what God wants us to do. Maybe this long & drawn out infertility ordeal is just to get us to take care of someone else's child. Maybe there is a specific unborn baby out there RIGHT NOW who is meant to be OURS. And when those thoughts went through my head, I made my decision to pursue this avenue.

Of course the first place we turned was Agape of Central Alabama, because we are familiar with their services and their office is the most convenient for us (it's located in our church). We met with the adoption specialist and she went over some of the basic information about it, to give us a general idea of how the process works. She also recommended two other agencies - one in Florida and one in Texas - for us to consider. At this point I am really looking forward to the possibility of adopting.

We started talking to people we know who have adopted. It's an unknown for us, so we have been trying to get a feel for how the whole thing works, how others coped with the process, etc. Needless to say, after hearing some of the stories about failed adoptions - moms changing their minds, etc, waiting lists, yadda yadda yadda...I started to become a little demotivated. "I just don't know if I have the energy for all of this." I have become so emotionally drained over the past several months - for several reasons - that I just didn't know if I could handle the emotions that come with this whole adoption thing.

And then, I thought about the words of a friend of mine who has two adopted children. She said in an e-mail to me, "you just have to jump in with both feet!" And so, after discussing this with Baron last night, I'm back on board. I'm still scared, apprehensive, and honestly a little reluctant, but I need to just move forward. As for Baron, he's been gung-ho about it the whole time I've been wishy-washy. I'm such a girl - so fickle. Anyway, we are going to move forward with this and hopefully we will have a precious little one when this is all over. :-)

Having said all that, I welcome any feedback from those who have gone through this process. Right now we are trying to decide what agency to use - so far we're looking at Christian Homes & Family Services (Texas), Christian Family Services (Florida), and Georgia Agape. So if you have any advice, please give! And mostly, please pray for us as we start this new journey.

P.S. Maybe I should get this new t-shirt...? :-)

ten infertility myths

I found this article at www.bethany.org and thought it was interesting and insightful. I'm not sure if there is anyone reading my blog who deals with infertility, but maybe this will be a source of encouragement for you if you are reading...

Infertility Myths
by John and Sylvia Van Regenmorter

THE ELIJAH MYTH
“Why am I the only one facing this? Why is everyone else a ‘fertile Myrtle’?”

The Elijah Complex is a common malady among believers who suffer from infertility. Elijah was a faithful servant of God, but discouragement blinded him from realizing that he was not alone. The Bible paints a poignant portrait of Elijah complaining to God, “I am the only one left...” God had to pointedly remind Elijah that He had 7,000 other faithful servants in Israel; he was not alone (1 Kings 19:14-18 NIV). Sometimes God needs to remind us that we are not alone! Currently there are five million to ten million American couples who are facing infertility. To put it another way, approximately one in six couples will face an infertility challenge in their married life. If you feel alone, be proactive in finding (or beginning) a support group or ask your pastor if he can connect you with at least one other infertile couple in your church.

THE FEMINIST MYTH
“We are in control of our reproductive lives. We can determine when, where, and how we will conceive and give birth.”

God gives us wonderful freedom to make many choices, but we must never forget that ultimately we are not in control of our reproductive lives. God is. “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain . . . Sons are a heritage from the Lord . . . “ (Psalm 127 NIV). We also must accept the reality that fertility declines dramatically with age. Current estimates are that one in ten couples in their 20s experience an infertility problem, but the statistics jump to one in seven for couples ages 30-35; one in five for couples ages 36-40; and one in four for couples ages 41-45.

THE SEXIST MYTH
“Infertility is primarily a woman’s problem.”

Approximately 40 percent of infertility is caused by a female medical factor and 40 percent is caused by a male medical factor. The other cases of infertility are caused by a combined male/female factor or the cause of the infertility is unknown.

THE GUILT MYTH
“I/we must have done something wrong to deserve this.”

It is natural to make a direct connection between our sinfulness and a terrible consequence in our lives. Repeatedly, the Bible warns us about the danger of making this connection because most often it is in error! In the days of the Old Testament, Job’s friends suggested that his troubles were caused by his sin, but they were wrong! In the New Testament the disciples of Jesus thought that a certain man’s blindness was caused by sin, but they were wrong too! (John 9:1-3 NIV). For infertile couples, there is a great deal of encouragement in what the Bible says about Zechariah and Elizabeth, one of the many infertile couples in the Bible. Luke 1:6 informs us that the couple was upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commandments and regulations blamelessly.

THE EQUALITY MYTH
“My husband is hurting as badly as I am, but he just doesn’t show it.”

There is some evidence to suggest that husbands and wives do not necessarily face infertility with the same degree of anxiousness and pain. In one study, 50 percent of the women surveyed said that their infertility was the greatest burden they ever had to bear. Only ten percent of the men responded in the same way. Dr. Joe S. McIlhaney has suggested that, while infertility may be deeply frustrating and hurtful for men, infertility can be a “vicious torment” for a woman. Of course, no two couples will experience infertility in the same way. Countless husbands and wives feel a deep sense of loss and emptiness because of infertility.

THE ENERGIZER BUNNY MYTH
“My biological clock keeps ticking; I can’t afford to take a month off from treatment, even though I could desperately use a break.”

It may be healthy to take a short respite from medical treatment to reassess your situation and renew your energy. As one person put it, “Suspending treatment for a couple of months was such a treat! It rejuvenated me physically and allowed me to reconnect with my husband emotionally and sexually. It was great to live like a normal, married couple for a while. I felt better prepared to continue the difficult work of infertility treatment.”

THE STRESS MYTH
“Infertility is caused by stress. Try to relax. Take a vacation or a cruise.”

Infertility is seldom the result of psychological factors. In 90 percent of all infertility cases, infertility specialists are able to determine a physical problem. According to Resolve, the national infertility support organization, “Psychological stress is more likely a result of infertility than the cause.”

“THE DOCTOR ALWAYS KNOWS BEST” MYTH
“I trust my doctor, and so I will go along with whatever treatment is suggested without question.”

It is important to have an honest, trusting relationship with your physician. If you have such a relationship, he or she will not object to your asking questions. It is in everyone’s interest for you to be fully informed about the treatments that are available to you. What seems appropriate to your physician as a next step in treatment, may or may not be right for you either physically, financially, emotionally, or spiritually.

THE ADOPTION MYTH
“We would consider adoption, but it is so expensive and it takes such a long time to get a baby.”

While some adoption programs can be expensive, U.S. citizens can take advantage of the Adoption Tax Credit which became available on January 1, 2002 and is a credit of up to $10,390. Most families qualify for this credit which helps make adoption very affordable. Some agencies, such as Bethany Christian Services, offer low-cost loans or other financial aid for adoptive families. While it is true that some families wait for a period of time before receiving a baby, there are many adoptable children waiting for a home right now. Should you decide to adopt, do not assume that you will have a long wait.

THE “NUMBER ONE GOAL IN LIFE” MYTH

“Having a baby is the most important thing in my life. If I can’t have one, I don’t know what I will do.”

Becoming a parent is an important goal, but for Christians, the goal of becoming a parent may never be “number one.” Other, more important. goals include thanking and glorifying God, rejoicing in the husband or wife He has given us, and seeking opportunities to serve others in His name. It is not easy to face infertility and continue to praise His name, but the Old Testament prophet Habbakuk provides a wonderful model:
“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, although there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.” (Habbakuk 3:17-18 NIV)

Source: Click Here

wilderness

Have you ever felt called by God to fulfill a role? Ministers, missionaries, teachers, doctors...God calls people to so many different roles. I've never felt "called" by God to take any specific career path. That is, until I began to feel the strongest instinct I've ever felt - a desire to become a mother (yes, I do consider motherhood a career!). Almost 2 years ago, Baron & I decided it was time to start a family. God had a different plan for our lives. So, I have felt this calling from God...and I have to wait for it. Have you ever experienced that? It's like when you answer the phone, and the person on the other end says "hang on" as soon as you answer. Wait a minute - you called me! Why do I have to "hang on"? What sense does it make for God to call me to something and then make me wait for it? I thought about this question the other day, and it suddenly hit me that Baron has been through that same experience, and he was much more patient than I was. While he was working at Alfa, he knew that God wanted him to be in ministry. But at the same time, he also heard God telling him "Wait." So Baron waited, and God provided. I had no idea at the time what a wonderful example he would be for me. It is a little easier for me to "wait" on God having seen an example (through Baron's life) of the awesome blessings on the other side of waiting.


Please continue to pray for us. In my head & my heart I know this is God's will for our lives, and that provides me with so much peace...but I still get frustrated, upset, and confused at times. Thanks for the continued prayers!

hands off my belly!

This is an article I came across today on the MSN home page. While the author is a little more blunt & harsh than I would be, I completely relate to her grievances. She explains some of the feelings that I usually supress in order to avoid offending people. Please take a minute to read the article & then come back to my blog for comments.

Click Here for article

Don't get me wrong - I don't mind when friends & family ask me when I plan to have a baby. Granted, it does get a little annoying, but I respect that they are curious about my life plans. However, when the random church member or distant acquaintance from 10 years ago asks what I consider to be a very personal question, it gets to me. Please don't get me wrong - if you are a friend of mine or a family member, you are more than welcome to ask about our family plans. But if you are a complete stranger, or anyone with whom I do not come in contact on a regular basis, it's really none of your business.

Thank you.