Sometimes I feel weird posting about my personal life, because I wonder why in the world anyone would care to read about my boring life. But, I do it anyway because (a) there are people who read this that I don't get to talk to often, and I want to keep them in the loop, and (b) it's therapeutic for me to blog and it will someday serve as a journal for me to look back on. Now that I have bored you already with my disclaimer, on to what I was going to update you on...
Baron and I have finally made the decision to pursue adoption. Of course it has been in the back of our minds for the past few months, after trying to get pregnant for two years, but we hadn't committed to actually researching & moving forward with the process. Well, a couple of weeks ago, we started talking about it again, and Baron said to me, "What if we don't have a baby yet because there are so many people out there who don't want theirs?" And it suddenly hit me - maybe that is what God wants us to do. Maybe this long & drawn out infertility ordeal is just to get us to take care of someone else's child. Maybe there is a specific unborn baby out there RIGHT NOW who is meant to be OURS. And when those thoughts went through my head, I made my decision to pursue this avenue.
Of course the first place we turned was Agape of Central Alabama, because we are familiar with their services and their office is the most convenient for us (it's located in our church). We met with the adoption specialist and she went over some of the basic information about it, to give us a general idea of how the process works. She also recommended two other agencies - one in Florida and one in Texas - for us to consider. At this point I am really looking forward to the possibility of adopting.
We started talking to people we know who have adopted. It's an unknown for us, so we have been trying to get a feel for how the whole thing works, how others coped with the process, etc. Needless to say, after hearing some of the stories about failed adoptions - moms changing their minds, etc, waiting lists, yadda yadda yadda...I started to become a little demotivated. "I just don't know if I have the energy for all of this." I have become so emotionally drained over the past several months - for several reasons - that I just didn't know if I could handle the emotions that come with this whole adoption thing.
And then, I thought about the words of a friend of mine who has two adopted children. She said in an e-mail to me, "you just have to jump in with both feet!" And so, after discussing this with Baron last night, I'm back on board. I'm still scared, apprehensive, and honestly a little reluctant, but I need to just move forward. As for Baron, he's been gung-ho about it the whole time I've been wishy-washy. I'm such a girl - so fickle. Anyway, we are going to move forward with this and hopefully we will have a precious little one when this is all over. :-)
Having said all that, I welcome any feedback from those who have gone through this process. Right now we are trying to decide what agency to use - so far we're looking at Christian Homes & Family Services (Texas), Christian Family Services (Florida), and Georgia Agape. So if you have any advice, please give! And mostly, please pray for us as we start this new journey.
P.S. Maybe I should get this new t-shirt...? :-)