October.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

October is also the month we celebrate the birth of my mother.

Six months ago, those two statements had nothing to do with each other, other than having the word "October" in them. But in May of this year, after a routine mammogram, my mother was told she had a mass in her breast. And after her biopsy, it was confirmed: cancer.

Such a scary word, isn't it? Cancer. I have had two grandfathers, a stepfather-in-law, and several church family members lose their earthly lives to cancer. It is a devastating disease. So naturally, when my mother called to tell me her mass was, in fact, the "c-word", I should have been scared. Mortified. Shocked. Angry. But you know what? My mother wasn't those things. She was calm. Peaceful. Even somewhat matter-of-fact. As if she were telling me this was just another speed bump in life, like changing jobs or a car breaking down. She is a strong woman. No...that isn't true: she is a weak woman, who fully relies on the strength of her God. You see, humans cannot overcome cancer. Therefore, humans have no hope when they are told they have cancer. But my mother knows that God controls her life, and God has already conquered cancer. If her cancer is healed here on earth: Praise God; she's got a few more years with us here! If her cancer consumes her body & takes away her earthly life: Praise God; she's got a new body that will never see disease again! Either way - Praise God; he is the ultimate Healer!

Mom's cancer was removed. She had a partial mastectomy in May. The cancer was actually pretty tiny. So her story had a happy ending. Not everyone's battle with cancer ends the same way. This month, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, let's not just think about how we can detect & treat breast cancer, but all cancers. And let's remember those who lost their earthly bodies to this terrible disease, and the families who deal with this on a daily basis.

{ So many women are a walking case for early detection, and so is my mom! Her cancer was detected very early, by a routine mammogram. Ladies: get your mammograms! }

{ my mom with my daughter & my brother's daughter, on our family vacation in June 2012 }

Dead End

From the Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotional...

How God Builds Your Faith: Dead End

by Rick Warren

“At that time we were completely overwhelmed, the burden was more than we could bear, in fact we told ourselves that this was the end. Yet we believe now that we had this experience of coming to the end of our tether that we might learn to trust, not in ourselves, but in God who can raise the dead” (2 Corinthians 1:8-9 PH).

When the pursuit of your dream deteriorates from difficult to impossible; when the situation looks hopeless, congratulations! You’re in good company.

Even Paul went through dead ends: “At that time we were completely overwhelmed, the burden was more than we could bear, in fact we told ourselves that this was the end. Yet we believe now that we had this experience of coming to the end of our tether that we might learn to trust, not in ourselves, but in God who can raise the dead” (2 Corinthians 1:8-9 PH).

If God can raise people physically, He can raise people who are dead emotionally. He can raise a dead marriage. He can resurrect a dead career. He can resurrect you from a health problem. If God can raise the dead, He can do anything.

In Abraham’s situation, God said, “I want you to become the father of a nation,” but then Abraham had to wait until he was 99 years old before he had his first child. The Bible shows Abraham’s situation going from difficult to impossible. He looks at his body and says, “No way!” Then he looks at his wife and says, “Double no way!”

But Sarah got pregnant and they laughed about it. When the baby was born, they named him Isaac, which means laughter.

God often lets problems become impossibilities. The disciples planned to follow Jesus. They thought He was the Messiah, but then the next thing they know Jesus is hanging on the cross, dying. Was this a dead end for the disciples? For three days it seemed that way, but then Jesus walked out of the tomb.

When you face a dead end, you may start asking, “What’s going on, God? Did I miss Your will? Your plan? Have I missed Your vision?” Keep in mind that dead ends are part of God’s plan for you.

What’s the best response to a dead end? “He has delivered us from such a terrible death, and He will deliver us; we have placed our hope in Him that He will deliver us again” (2 Corinthians 1:10 HCSB).

inspiration

I've been keeping a particular tidbit of information from the "blog world" {which includes Facebook, since I have my blog imported to FB as well} for the past couple of weeks. But I am somewhat transparent when it comes to my emotions and my life decisions, so I may as well share this now. We're back on the adoption train! I think Baron was ready before I was. After the miscarriage, I was quickly ready to start trying to get pregnant again. Well, it didn't happen immediately {obviously}, like everyone seemed to promise me. "You'll get pregnant right away - that always happens!" Really? Always? I know they were just trying to encourage us, but I also knew at the time that really, truly, SERIOUSLY...this is all about God's timing. And we have no idea what He has in store for us. So, after some praying, thinking, and researching, I was again turned back to the idea of adoption. But this time, it's not just a means to get a baby. This time, I feel compassion. I want to help a birthmother give her baby a better life. Of course, I desperately want a baby, and that desire has guided me to the idea of adoption. But the first time we started considering adoption, we were unsure whether or not I could get pregnant. This time, I know I can get pregnant, just not when. Am I scared of this process? Of course. But when I take my own fears, apprehensions, and anxieties out of the picture, I am so touched by the needs of another woman and her baby. I want to help. I can help. This is what I want to do.

Of course, as I have well learned through our infertility struggles, if this isn't God's plan, it won't happen. Who knows if his plan is for us to adopt, or if it's just to turn our compassionate eyes toward the needs of birthmothers, or if he will again bless my womb with a baby. Who knows? But this I do know: He will take care of us. He knows what we need. He has timed our lives so perfectly that I cannot lose faith in Him. I don't like it, of course. I don't like that I don't have a baby when all of my friends do. I don't like the emotional roller coaster this has been. I don't like that it makes Baron sad that he's not a daddy yet. But notice that all of those dislikes revolve around "I". And I'm not so sure this whole thing is just about "I". This is bigger than just me.

Having said all that...I want to share this video I came across today. I have some links on my blog to some adoption sites I find helpful, and on one of those sites, All You Who Hope, the author posted this video, and it is so inspiring to me. Enjoy.

in God's waiting room

I received this daily devotional from The Purpose Driven Life, and it really speaks to me. It's something I know in my head, but I'm still trying to grasp in my heart. I need reminders like this throughout my journey as Baron & I wait for a baby.

Risks in Faith: When God Delays
by Rick Warren

For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3 (NIV)

If you ever find yourself in God’s waiting room – waiting for an answer, a change, or a miracle – you just need to stop and trust God. He’s never late or in a hurry, because his timing is perfect.

When I started Saddleback Church, I had no idea that it would take 15 years and 10,000 weekly attenders for us to have our own land and our own building. At Saddleback’s very first church service I said, “Someday we’re going to buy at least 50 acres. But we’re not going to do it for the first five years because we’re going to put all our money into people and programs.”

Seven years after that first worship service it looked like we were well on our way to having our own building. Our people had sacrificed to raise money for land – canceling vacations, working second jobs, selling diamond rings, and giving from their pensions.

We finally found the right piece of land but we needed another $1.2 million to close the deal. In the last 60 days of 1987, the people in this church gave the needed funds and the land was ours.

Two years later, though, we still were working out zoning details with the county supervisors and they decided to delay us indefinitely.

My wife, Kay, was upset with me – and with God. She prayed: “God, you have been unfair to us. We have tried to do this exactly the way you told us with faith, honesty, and integrity. God, I don’t know what game you’re playing, but let me in on it because I don’t get it!”

God responded: “Kay, what is it to you if I allow every church on the face of the earth to have a building and land and Saddleback never does? Will you still follow me?”

She answered, “Yes, Lord, I will.”

That experience helped me really know the truth of John 13:7, when Jesus said: “You do not realize now what I'm doing but later you will understand” (NIV).

That same truth is communicated in 2 Corinthians 1:9: “This happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead” (NIV).

So often it looks like God is delaying or denying us, but his timing is perfect. Next time you feel like you’re in God’s waiting room, trust that God is working in his own perfect time on his own perfect plan – which is so much better than anything we can plan or dream.

© 2008 Purpose Driven Life. All rights reserved.

peace

I recently came across this scripture and it really spoke to me because of where I am in my life. We usually use this passage for its focus on prayer, but I want you to pay special attention to the second half of this, which focuses on the benefits we reap from our faith in God through prayer.

Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers & requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think & feel. ~Philippians 4:6,7

persistence or annoyance?

Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, "Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession."

Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, "Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us."

He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel."

The woman came and knelt before him. "Lord, help me!" she said.

He replied, "It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs."

"Yes, Lord," she said, "but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table."

Then Jesus answered, "Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted." And her daughter was healed from that very hour. {Matthew 15:21-28}

Yesterday at church, we heard a great sermon based on the above passage. With it being Mothers’ Day, the main point of Brad’s lesson was that this mother loved her daughter enough to beg Jesus, with persistence, to heal her demon possession. However, since I am not yet a mother, I benefitted more from another point that Brad made.

It seems odd that Jesus would ignore this woman. When we read this passage yesterday, I was confused because it almost seems like Jesus is annoyed with her, and he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her because she is a Canaanite. Of course this doesn’t seem like the Jesus we know, right? Why did he act that way? Why, when she was begging him to help her, did it seem like he didn’t even hear her in the beginning? Wasn’t he listening? And when he did acknowledge her, it seemed at first like his answer would be “no”. Notice the last statement he gives her: “Woman, you have great faith…” Her faith was strengthened in this short little passage. When it seemed like Jesus wouldn’t give her the time of day, she had faith that if she asked, he would answer. And she had the persistence to act on that faith.

Why, when I am begging Jesus to help me, does it seem like he doesn’t even hear me? Isn’t he listening? Oftentimes when I pray for something, I ask these questions. I then have to remind myself {rather, force myself to remember} that God is in control {Romans 8:28}, and he is strengthening my faith through my prayer life. He will answer my prayers eventually. It may or may not be in the way I want them answered {in this particular story, the Canaanite woman got exactly what she wanted} but he is listening & he is not ignoring me.