whirlwind.

Needless to say, ever since we found out we were chosen by a birth mother, my life has been a whirlwind. And it won't be slowing down for awhile. :-)

I think there is a reason God gave expecting mothers 9 months to prepare. Having only 3 weeks to get a house ready for a newborn is enough to put a mommy in a crazy house! Add to that the chaos of finding a place to stay in a town 8 hours away for 6-8 weeks, making arrangements for help with the toddler when she & the husband come back to town in a couple of weeks, beginning a relationship with my soon-to-be-son's birth mother, preparing my boss/co-workers for my extended absence, and attempting to savor the last moments at home with friends & family before being gone for awhile; and my brain is officially mush.

But, here I am, the night before our travel day, and I am almost ready. No, not almost ready to bring a baby home. { My house is a mess; the baby's clothes are stacked in his room because his dresser drawers are broken; I don't have newborn diapers; the nursery isn't finished...etc...} I just mean I am almost ready for our trip. Because honestly, I don't think I could manage this whole ordeal if I were trying to get ready for ALL of this at once. I am taking it one day at a time. Tonight, I will get ready for tomorrow's travel. Tomorrow, I will get ready to be in the delivery room for the birth of my son on Monday. Monday, I will get ready for the moments I intend to savor with my son & his birth mother while in the hospital together. Tuesday, I will get ready for the emotions that come when the birth mother signs her relinquishment papers. And all that time, in the back of my mind, I will be praying for my son to just be healthy. I will pray for him to breathe when he is born. I will pray for his blood to circulate. I will pray for the NICU nurses, the surgeon who will operate on him, and all of the people taking care of him while he is in surgery & recovering. I will also be praying for his birth mother, who is nervous, excited, anxious. Who is struggling with her broken relationship with her mother. I will attempt to encourage her, while refraining from saying "it will all work out", when I don't know that it will. I will try to be her friend, because she has none with her at this time.

Friends, this is a lot to deal with. I am an emotional girl anyway, and all of this is just completely overwhelming for me! The only way I am managing to drift through this is because I am relying on God. This is His plan anyway, so He knows what's going on. He is my strength, because I have none on my own. I am fragile & weak & way too emotional to handle this myself. The Joy of the Lord is my Strength. I have had to remind myself of that over & over during the past 3 weeks! The Joy of the Lord is my Strength.

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength.

(source)

matched!

So, I'll just get straight to the point:

We've been matched with a birth mother!!

We got a phone call on Monday that a birth mother has chosen us to adopt her sweet baby. She is a young African-American woman, and her baby boy is due November 4th! We are SO EXCITED!!!

Your prayers for our baby boy are coveted. He has a heart condition known as transposition of the great arteries. He will need surgery 5-10 days after birth to correct his condition. He will be in the hospital for 4-6 weeks after the surgery. Which means, we will have an extended stay in Charleston, SC, once he is born. There is also a chance the birth mother could be induced as early as October 23rd. We would love for little man to cook a little longer if possible! We need prayers for this sweet baby, for his birth mother, and for our sanity while we get ready & while we wait! Please, please pray for a safe & smooth delivery and surgery! Thank you all!!

Natalie is so excited to have a baby brother soon!!!

the Natalie diaries - part 1: nursery + nesting

I am finally getting around to blogging about our adoption experience. Sorry it's taken me so long, but well, I've been busy. :) And still am, for that matter, but I'm forcing myself to document the experience before Natalie turns 13 and I can't remember what happened when she was born. Anyway, I'm putting this into a few different posts, since it would be way too long to put into one post & I would most likely lose all 4 of my readers. So to begin, I'll take you on a tour of the weeks approaching Natalie's birth, and how I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off.



We had started collecting items for the nursery months ago. {Well, technically, a couple of years ago, when I bought the awesome rocking chair that Ashley recommended to me - SO COMFORTABLE. I bought it with the last bonus check I received from my previous employer, before the economy went kaputs & bonus checks were no longer in existence.} We had the room painted "soft mint green" last year - a gender neutral color since we didn't know at that time whether we'd adopt a boy or a girl. I bought a crib at a consignment sale last fall. My awesome friends & family threw a "pre-adoption" baby shower for me last November, and I got a jump start on the "basics" that we would need in case we were to get one of those "we have a baby for you to adopt in 3 days" calls.



So we were on a good start to planning the nursery. Then, in January, we did get "the call". {Read about it here.} At this point, I'm eager to start the "real" nursery planning, and since my friend Ashley Mills over at pure + lovely {shameless plug} had offered to help me design the nursery, she was also eager to get started. I had initially thought I wanted to do owls in the nursery, because I was planning a gender neutral nursery & I started to become obsessed with retro-looking owls. But after "the call", we found out we were adopting a girl, and I just couldn't help but choose something more girly. Ashley has these awesome bird prints that I decided were totally the inspiration I needed for the room. I began searching for color/theme inspiration online, and found the perfect room that represented the exact feel I was going for:

{Norah's nursery by Caroline Armelle}

Piece by piece, the nursery started coming together. Ashley designed the fabric on spoonflower, my grandmother made the bedding from the fabric, Baron & I {ok, mostly Baron} painted a dresser & a bookshelf, and I shopped...and shopped...and spraypainted...and shopped. And finally, on Sunday, March 21st, the nursery was finished. FINISHED. The day before, I had gotten into my frantic nesting stage, cleaning the house like a mad woman, because there was a possibility of our birthmother being induced on March 22nd. I felt it coming. I don't know that nesting is necessarily a hormonal pregnancy thing, because I was totally into it that weekend. And for good cause, because...well...that's another story, for my next post. :) Here are pics of the finished nursery!

{crib from consignment sale; bedding fabric by Ashley via spoonflower & sewn by my grandmother; rug by ekra via etsy}

{beanbag ottoman from Kohl's; chandelier from ikea; round side table from ikea}

{bird fabric designed by Ashley & pillow made by my grandmother; quilt by "Mimi" (my mom); puff rocker via ebay (sorry, can't remember the seller)}

{handmade rug by ekra via etsy; bookshelf by Baron's granddad when Baron was little & painted with Valspar Laura Ashley in pale cowslip}

{shelf from local flea market & painted with Valspar Laura Ashley in pale cowslip; figurines from Hobby Lobby & my personal collection}

{fabric swatch project from The Purl Bee; wall lamp from ikea}

{part of closet turned changing station: dresser from Baron's grandmother - painted in Valspar Laura Ashley's pale cowslip; drawer knobs from Hobby Lobby; curtains from Target}

{Tweet Tweet prints & custom frames from Ashley at pure innovation}

{fabric designed by Ashley via spoonflower; bedding made by my grandmother}

{birdcage from Hobby Lobby; fabric box from Target; mirror from Baron's grandmother & painted with Krylon spraypaint in ballet slipper}

Thanks for looking! :)

welcome, Natalie!

We've had quite an eventful two weeks...all revolving around the newest addition to our family. More details to come later, but I want to introduce you to Natalie Rebecca, our precious angel who is now a part of our family through the miracle of adoption. We traveled to South Carolina on Monday, March 22nd and stayed until Friday, April 2nd when the paperwork was finally approved for us to bring her home. Natalie was born on March 23, 2010, weighed 5 lbs 13 oz, and was 18.75 inches long. She is a sweet baby and already has her daddy wrapped around her tiny finger. :) I will write more about our trip later...you know, when I have time. ;)

{just arrived!}

{I love mommy}

{the apple of my daddy's eye}

{precious angel}

{happy baby}

a few of my favorite things

I'm having a bit of a writer's block in the blogosphere, so I thought I'd just share a few things that I've been eyeballin' lately...

I love this bench from JC Penney, just right for the space between our entry & living room:

I've been into owls lately. I'm sure that will go out of style soon but until then, I'd love to donthis adorable ring:

This onesie makes me smile! I may have to get someone to make a cuter version of it for little Natalie:

And this t-shirt is for my sarcastic side. Of course I'd never have the guts to actually wear it, but it makes me laugh:

I LOVE this vintage alphabet print, and hope to soon have it for Natalie's nursery:

Another onesie for our little chosen one:

At some point in the near future I may consider subscribing to this mag:

My friend Ashley has started a new furniture refurbishing business, and this is my fave piece of hers right now...although I'd love to have any of it! Go visit the site!

And I REALLY wanted to make this mobile for the nursery, but I don't have time! Maybe someday! This thing is TOO cute:

January 7th.

January 7th, 2009:
I am in total shock. Am I really pregnant? After 2 1/2 years of trying, is this finally happening? I can't breathe. Baron gets home, and I just show him "the stick". He can't believe it either. I pee on another stick. Positive again. I think. Is it? Maybe it's negative. I'm not sure. It's a Wednesday, so we have to face people at church with our normal, "nothing is going on" faces, when in our minds we're...well...shocked. There's no better word to describe the feeling. {Side note: we had directory pics that night. You can totally see the shock on my face.} Two more pregnancy tests later, and I'm almost convinced it's true. Finally, a doctor's visit eases my mind. I'm pregnant!!! I believe it, but it doesn't really sink in. We just barely get into the planning stages before devastation hits. After just 12 weeks of pregnancy, we find out that we lost the baby at around 7 weeks.

January 7th, 2010:
I'm browsing stock photos online at the office to use in a new brochure. The search category I typed is "security". For some reason, baby pictures are peppered throughout the list. Why are BABY pictures in here? At first it's cute to see the pics, and then a twinge of sadness creeps in. A year ago, I found out I was pregnant, and then we lost the baby in March. We started back into the adoption process, and waited. At this point we've been trying/adopting/pregnant/adopting again for almost 3 1/2 years. I. WANT. A. BABY. Other people have babies. Why can't I have one? It's the usual frustrating/impatient/almost depressing thoughts that creep into my mind once in awhile. Then, Baron calls.
B: Whatcha doin?
Me: {in a slightly bored tone, because I'm late leaving for lunch & the hunger pangs are kicking in} Looking at stock photos online.
B: We've been chosen.
Me: What?
B: WE'VE. BEEN. MATCHED.
Me: Are you SERIOUS?! {of course he's serious, this is nothing to joke about!}
B: {gives the details of the birthmother} She wants to talk to us on a conference call either today or Monday.
So, we scheduled a conference call. Talk about nerves. I didn't have butterflies in my stomach, I had giant moths. You know, the scary looking furry kind of moths. And they didn't go away until after the phone call. Which, by the way, went very well, and the birthmother was convinced that she wanted us to parent her child! She is having a baby girl, due April 12th. We are so excited, it's surreal. I can honestly say I'm more excited now than I was when I got pregnant. I don't know if it's the short timeline to wait for the baby to arrive, or the fact that we've been waiting a year longer now, or just the romantic unknown that comes with this adoption process, or maybe that THIS is really what God's plan is for us so He is putting that feeling of excitement in me. But WOW. What an exciting time for us! In the next few weeks we will be going up to South Carolina to meet the birthmother.

Please pray with/for us over the next few months!!

God, thank you so much for this awesome blessing. Thank you for bringing us to this point in our lives and for choosing us to go through this wonderful process of adoption. Our prayer is that this is the baby you want us to raise. Help us to trust you to work out your will for us. Keep your hand on the birthmother & her baby. Keep them safe & healthy. And help us to show your love to them, always. Please deliver this baby to us safely in your time. Amen.

adoption update

Several people have been asking me & Baron how the adoption process is going. Most of you who are interested already know, but just for kicks {and because I have been neglecting the ole blog}, here's a quick post to bring you up-to-date.


1. The profile. We finally finished our profile! {For those of you not familiar with the adoption process, the adoptive couple makes a profile of themselves, which is basically like a "get to know us" sort of scrapbook deal. It's what the birthmother looks at when she picks parents for her child. This is basically the adoptive parents' marketing ploy. :)} We decided to do our profile a la Wal-mart photo book, and we FINALLY finished it. Just waiting on the 937 copies to arrive at our nearest Wal-mart store. {Ok so there are only 4 copies.}


2. The agencies. We started off using Carolina Hope out of South Carolina. They "merged" with Nightlight Christian Adoptions, so now they're known as Nightlight. Agape of Central Alabama did our homestudy. {Speaking of the homestudy, that has also been completed as well...whew.} So, we decided to have both Nightlight and Agape working for us. The more the merrier!


3. The books. Ah, the books. Both agencies require a certain amount of "education" before adopting. Nightlight offers several webinars, which we plan to do at some point in the near future. In the meantime, we are reading the oh-so-informative-and-slightly-boring adoption books we ordered.


4. The first phone call. A couple of weeks ago, I got a call from Nightlight. They had a birthmother who came in, and they wanted to show our profile! But alas, we did not have a copy, due to the procrastinative (?) nature of ourselves. So I quickly proofread what we did have & sent them a link to the online version of the photo book. Oh and p.s. the birthmother's due date? October 21st. But, as it turns out, she never got back in touch with the agency. Strike one.


5. The crib. So, after that first phone call, I got all giddy with the realization that this could happen ANY DAY NOW. Granted, the odds are that it will still be months, but who knows? So in an rare form of non-procrastination, I started thinking of what we need to do to prepare ourselves should we suddenly have a new baby in the house. Coincidentally {or not so coincidentally, as I don't believe in "coincidence"}, Elizabeth told me about this consignment sale in P'ville and how I may want to check it out for any awesome deals. So I went over on a Sunday afternoon, and lo and behold, there stood the exact style/color crib I'd been planning to get! And for the low, low price of $150 smackaroos. I got Baron's permission {via text, since he was in a coaches' meeting, oops!} and made the first official baby purchase. Fun times!


6. The second phone call. Just this past week, Agape called us. They got an e-mail from their sister agency in Texas - they had a birthmother who was being very particular about the adoptive parents she wanted. And we just so happened to fit her criteria. The catch? This agency's placement fees are WELL over our intended "baby budget". And by WELL over, I mean about $15,000 more than we planned to spend. Oh and the mom is due in December, which would give us 2 months to come up with that money. So, since we unfortunately purchased a red maple from my brother rather than a money tree, we had to ask not to have our profile shown for this case. It really broke my heart to come to this decision. I cried at the thought of having to basically tell this mom/baby "no, we can't afford to adopt your precious child into our home." {Yes, there are grants out there available for adoptive parents. Unfortunately, we just don't have time right now to get everything together to apply for them in time for this particular case.}


So, there you have it. Our adoption process thus far, in a nutshell. :) Feel free to ask questions...I'll consult my latest 1200-page book for an answer if I don't have one. :)

inspiration

I've been keeping a particular tidbit of information from the "blog world" {which includes Facebook, since I have my blog imported to FB as well} for the past couple of weeks. But I am somewhat transparent when it comes to my emotions and my life decisions, so I may as well share this now. We're back on the adoption train! I think Baron was ready before I was. After the miscarriage, I was quickly ready to start trying to get pregnant again. Well, it didn't happen immediately {obviously}, like everyone seemed to promise me. "You'll get pregnant right away - that always happens!" Really? Always? I know they were just trying to encourage us, but I also knew at the time that really, truly, SERIOUSLY...this is all about God's timing. And we have no idea what He has in store for us. So, after some praying, thinking, and researching, I was again turned back to the idea of adoption. But this time, it's not just a means to get a baby. This time, I feel compassion. I want to help a birthmother give her baby a better life. Of course, I desperately want a baby, and that desire has guided me to the idea of adoption. But the first time we started considering adoption, we were unsure whether or not I could get pregnant. This time, I know I can get pregnant, just not when. Am I scared of this process? Of course. But when I take my own fears, apprehensions, and anxieties out of the picture, I am so touched by the needs of another woman and her baby. I want to help. I can help. This is what I want to do.

Of course, as I have well learned through our infertility struggles, if this isn't God's plan, it won't happen. Who knows if his plan is for us to adopt, or if it's just to turn our compassionate eyes toward the needs of birthmothers, or if he will again bless my womb with a baby. Who knows? But this I do know: He will take care of us. He knows what we need. He has timed our lives so perfectly that I cannot lose faith in Him. I don't like it, of course. I don't like that I don't have a baby when all of my friends do. I don't like the emotional roller coaster this has been. I don't like that it makes Baron sad that he's not a daddy yet. But notice that all of those dislikes revolve around "I". And I'm not so sure this whole thing is just about "I". This is bigger than just me.

Having said all that...I want to share this video I came across today. I have some links on my blog to some adoption sites I find helpful, and on one of those sites, All You Who Hope, the author posted this video, and it is so inspiring to me. Enjoy.

announcement...

First Response 2-pack pregnancy test:

$10.00

Clear Blue 2-pack digital pregnancy test, because the faint pink line isn't enough & sometimes we need to see the word "pregnant":

$15.00

Finding out you are pregnant the same day you send off an application & $250 non-refundable check to the adoption agency:

Priceless.

Yes, it's true...I'm pregnant! And yes, we really did find out the same day we mailed a check to the adoption agency. Go figure. :-) But seriously...this is truly an answer to prayers. This is totally a God thing, and I believe He brought us here for so many reasons, one being to show His glory. Thank you all so much for your prayers for us!

P.S. Due date is September 14th. :-)

update...

Sometimes I feel weird posting about my personal life, because I wonder why in the world anyone would care to read about my boring life. But, I do it anyway because (a) there are people who read this that I don't get to talk to often, and I want to keep them in the loop, and (b) it's therapeutic for me to blog and it will someday serve as a journal for me to look back on. Now that I have bored you already with my disclaimer, on to what I was going to update you on...

Baron and I have finally made the decision to pursue adoption. Of course it has been in the back of our minds for the past few months, after trying to get pregnant for two years, but we hadn't committed to actually researching & moving forward with the process. Well, a couple of weeks ago, we started talking about it again, and Baron said to me, "What if we don't have a baby yet because there are so many people out there who don't want theirs?" And it suddenly hit me - maybe that is what God wants us to do. Maybe this long & drawn out infertility ordeal is just to get us to take care of someone else's child. Maybe there is a specific unborn baby out there RIGHT NOW who is meant to be OURS. And when those thoughts went through my head, I made my decision to pursue this avenue.

Of course the first place we turned was Agape of Central Alabama, because we are familiar with their services and their office is the most convenient for us (it's located in our church). We met with the adoption specialist and she went over some of the basic information about it, to give us a general idea of how the process works. She also recommended two other agencies - one in Florida and one in Texas - for us to consider. At this point I am really looking forward to the possibility of adopting.

We started talking to people we know who have adopted. It's an unknown for us, so we have been trying to get a feel for how the whole thing works, how others coped with the process, etc. Needless to say, after hearing some of the stories about failed adoptions - moms changing their minds, etc, waiting lists, yadda yadda yadda...I started to become a little demotivated. "I just don't know if I have the energy for all of this." I have become so emotionally drained over the past several months - for several reasons - that I just didn't know if I could handle the emotions that come with this whole adoption thing.

And then, I thought about the words of a friend of mine who has two adopted children. She said in an e-mail to me, "you just have to jump in with both feet!" And so, after discussing this with Baron last night, I'm back on board. I'm still scared, apprehensive, and honestly a little reluctant, but I need to just move forward. As for Baron, he's been gung-ho about it the whole time I've been wishy-washy. I'm such a girl - so fickle. Anyway, we are going to move forward with this and hopefully we will have a precious little one when this is all over. :-)

Having said all that, I welcome any feedback from those who have gone through this process. Right now we are trying to decide what agency to use - so far we're looking at Christian Homes & Family Services (Texas), Christian Family Services (Florida), and Georgia Agape. So if you have any advice, please give! And mostly, please pray for us as we start this new journey.

P.S. Maybe I should get this new t-shirt...? :-)

ten infertility myths

I found this article at www.bethany.org and thought it was interesting and insightful. I'm not sure if there is anyone reading my blog who deals with infertility, but maybe this will be a source of encouragement for you if you are reading...

Infertility Myths
by John and Sylvia Van Regenmorter

THE ELIJAH MYTH
“Why am I the only one facing this? Why is everyone else a ‘fertile Myrtle’?”

The Elijah Complex is a common malady among believers who suffer from infertility. Elijah was a faithful servant of God, but discouragement blinded him from realizing that he was not alone. The Bible paints a poignant portrait of Elijah complaining to God, “I am the only one left...” God had to pointedly remind Elijah that He had 7,000 other faithful servants in Israel; he was not alone (1 Kings 19:14-18 NIV). Sometimes God needs to remind us that we are not alone! Currently there are five million to ten million American couples who are facing infertility. To put it another way, approximately one in six couples will face an infertility challenge in their married life. If you feel alone, be proactive in finding (or beginning) a support group or ask your pastor if he can connect you with at least one other infertile couple in your church.

THE FEMINIST MYTH
“We are in control of our reproductive lives. We can determine when, where, and how we will conceive and give birth.”

God gives us wonderful freedom to make many choices, but we must never forget that ultimately we are not in control of our reproductive lives. God is. “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain . . . Sons are a heritage from the Lord . . . “ (Psalm 127 NIV). We also must accept the reality that fertility declines dramatically with age. Current estimates are that one in ten couples in their 20s experience an infertility problem, but the statistics jump to one in seven for couples ages 30-35; one in five for couples ages 36-40; and one in four for couples ages 41-45.

THE SEXIST MYTH
“Infertility is primarily a woman’s problem.”

Approximately 40 percent of infertility is caused by a female medical factor and 40 percent is caused by a male medical factor. The other cases of infertility are caused by a combined male/female factor or the cause of the infertility is unknown.

THE GUILT MYTH
“I/we must have done something wrong to deserve this.”

It is natural to make a direct connection between our sinfulness and a terrible consequence in our lives. Repeatedly, the Bible warns us about the danger of making this connection because most often it is in error! In the days of the Old Testament, Job’s friends suggested that his troubles were caused by his sin, but they were wrong! In the New Testament the disciples of Jesus thought that a certain man’s blindness was caused by sin, but they were wrong too! (John 9:1-3 NIV). For infertile couples, there is a great deal of encouragement in what the Bible says about Zechariah and Elizabeth, one of the many infertile couples in the Bible. Luke 1:6 informs us that the couple was upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commandments and regulations blamelessly.

THE EQUALITY MYTH
“My husband is hurting as badly as I am, but he just doesn’t show it.”

There is some evidence to suggest that husbands and wives do not necessarily face infertility with the same degree of anxiousness and pain. In one study, 50 percent of the women surveyed said that their infertility was the greatest burden they ever had to bear. Only ten percent of the men responded in the same way. Dr. Joe S. McIlhaney has suggested that, while infertility may be deeply frustrating and hurtful for men, infertility can be a “vicious torment” for a woman. Of course, no two couples will experience infertility in the same way. Countless husbands and wives feel a deep sense of loss and emptiness because of infertility.

THE ENERGIZER BUNNY MYTH
“My biological clock keeps ticking; I can’t afford to take a month off from treatment, even though I could desperately use a break.”

It may be healthy to take a short respite from medical treatment to reassess your situation and renew your energy. As one person put it, “Suspending treatment for a couple of months was such a treat! It rejuvenated me physically and allowed me to reconnect with my husband emotionally and sexually. It was great to live like a normal, married couple for a while. I felt better prepared to continue the difficult work of infertility treatment.”

THE STRESS MYTH
“Infertility is caused by stress. Try to relax. Take a vacation or a cruise.”

Infertility is seldom the result of psychological factors. In 90 percent of all infertility cases, infertility specialists are able to determine a physical problem. According to Resolve, the national infertility support organization, “Psychological stress is more likely a result of infertility than the cause.”

“THE DOCTOR ALWAYS KNOWS BEST” MYTH
“I trust my doctor, and so I will go along with whatever treatment is suggested without question.”

It is important to have an honest, trusting relationship with your physician. If you have such a relationship, he or she will not object to your asking questions. It is in everyone’s interest for you to be fully informed about the treatments that are available to you. What seems appropriate to your physician as a next step in treatment, may or may not be right for you either physically, financially, emotionally, or spiritually.

THE ADOPTION MYTH
“We would consider adoption, but it is so expensive and it takes such a long time to get a baby.”

While some adoption programs can be expensive, U.S. citizens can take advantage of the Adoption Tax Credit which became available on January 1, 2002 and is a credit of up to $10,390. Most families qualify for this credit which helps make adoption very affordable. Some agencies, such as Bethany Christian Services, offer low-cost loans or other financial aid for adoptive families. While it is true that some families wait for a period of time before receiving a baby, there are many adoptable children waiting for a home right now. Should you decide to adopt, do not assume that you will have a long wait.

THE “NUMBER ONE GOAL IN LIFE” MYTH

“Having a baby is the most important thing in my life. If I can’t have one, I don’t know what I will do.”

Becoming a parent is an important goal, but for Christians, the goal of becoming a parent may never be “number one.” Other, more important. goals include thanking and glorifying God, rejoicing in the husband or wife He has given us, and seeking opportunities to serve others in His name. It is not easy to face infertility and continue to praise His name, but the Old Testament prophet Habbakuk provides a wonderful model:
“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, although there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.” (Habbakuk 3:17-18 NIV)

Source: Click Here

cheeky baby!!

One of my good friends and former college roommates, Jan (Ellis) Lowery had a baby last week. (To read the long & grueling story of her birthing experience, click here. It's...interesting, to say the least.) Anyway I wanted to share a picture of Lainey Wynn Lowery - she has got the cutest chubby cheeks ever!!

I'm comin' out!

No, I’m not coming out of the closet. I suppose that would definitely get your attention. I’ve decided to share some personal stuff via my public-but-not-really blog. If you read my blog purely for entertainment purposes, you might want to skip this post. Actually, if you read my blog purely for entertainment purposes, you are probably continually disappointed. :-)


Anyway…what I want to share with everyone is what’s been going on with me & Baron for the past year & 4 months. We’ve been trying to have a baby, and (obviously) have not been successful. After trying for almost a year, I started to get very frustrated. I noticed more & more the incompetent parents toting their babies in public. I was bitter toward teenagers who found out they were pregnant after “one mistake”. I even found myself getting angry at stupid Brittney Spears & her stupid little sister. (I won’t even get started on that subject!) Don’t get me wrong – in my mind, I knew that God would make this happen in His time. But I couldn’t help but be frustrated, confused, and at times, angry. I tried to be patient & I even convinced myself that I WAS being patient…until about 2 weeks ago when I finally realized I was not truly waiting on God. I was chaperoning at Last Hour, and I was sitting in one of the sessions listening to Randy Harris talk about Heaven. I don’t remember what he was talking about (I promise I was paying attention!), but all of a sudden it hit me: I don’t NEED a baby. I desperately WANT a baby, but really all I need is a relationship with my God. I know that sounds SO profound, but at that moment I realized that it really isn’t up to me.


So, I decided not to try to make this mine. I had been going to the doctor, I was getting blood work every month (those tests came out normal every month), I tried Clomid (a mild fertility drug) & it basically over-stimulated me so I came off it, Baron was tested (those results were normal as well), and I was about to have a procedure done this month for another test…but I decided to stop all of that. For several reasons: 1) the monthly blood work was getting expensive ($35 co-pay each month adds up, & the expenses would only keep piling up), 2) I kept getting the same test results every month – normal, and 3) the most important reason: I know in my heart that when I do get pregnant, it will be to God’s glory; but if I get pregnant without the help of medicine, doctors, etc, it will be that much more evident to the world that it’s a God thing. Does that make sense? I just really want this to be all about God, and not about me or Baron or my doctor or the latest infertility procedure. I’m not saying I won’t eventually go back to trying some of that stuff, and I’m certainly not saying I have a problem with any of those avenues. But for now, I am at peace with God’s plan. Finally.


Speaking of God’s plan…you know how everyone always says “this is happening for a reason”? Well, I don’t think it is a coincidence that Baron & I will be debt free by the end of this year, and there is no way that would have happened if we had a baby. Also, I do plan to be a stay-at-home mom, and I have recently (in the past week) been given an opportunity at work to minister to one of my co-workers. If I’d already quit my job, I wouldn’t have this opportunity. I don’t believe in coincidences.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

hands off my belly!

This is an article I came across today on the MSN home page. While the author is a little more blunt & harsh than I would be, I completely relate to her grievances. She explains some of the feelings that I usually supress in order to avoid offending people. Please take a minute to read the article & then come back to my blog for comments.

Click Here for article

Don't get me wrong - I don't mind when friends & family ask me when I plan to have a baby. Granted, it does get a little annoying, but I respect that they are curious about my life plans. However, when the random church member or distant acquaintance from 10 years ago asks what I consider to be a very personal question, it gets to me. Please don't get me wrong - if you are a friend of mine or a family member, you are more than welcome to ask about our family plans. But if you are a complete stranger, or anyone with whom I do not come in contact on a regular basis, it's really none of your business.

Thank you.

congrats to a friend/family vacation

First of all, I want to congratulate my best friend Ashley on her pregnancy! I know she thinks that no one gets as excited about the second baby as the first, but I am just as excited - if not more - about this one than the first because she & I have grown so much closer over the past two years. (AWWWWW) So a big shout out to Ashley, Jamin, Aiden, & Chloe on their soon-to-be newest member of the family!

Ok, so now that the cheese is out of the way, here are a few pics from our family vacation. Every year we go up to Vogel State Park in the North Georgia mountains. My grandmother rents 2 cabins and we all hang out for a week or so - my grandmother, aunt & uncle, 2 cousins, parents, brother & sister, and all applicable in-laws. :-) I really hate that we couldn't stay for a whole week this year. It was especially hard to come back to work while some of our family was still up there!

Enjoy the pics!