January 7th.

January 7th, 2009:
I am in total shock. Am I really pregnant? After 2 1/2 years of trying, is this finally happening? I can't breathe. Baron gets home, and I just show him "the stick". He can't believe it either. I pee on another stick. Positive again. I think. Is it? Maybe it's negative. I'm not sure. It's a Wednesday, so we have to face people at church with our normal, "nothing is going on" faces, when in our minds we're...well...shocked. There's no better word to describe the feeling. {Side note: we had directory pics that night. You can totally see the shock on my face.} Two more pregnancy tests later, and I'm almost convinced it's true. Finally, a doctor's visit eases my mind. I'm pregnant!!! I believe it, but it doesn't really sink in. We just barely get into the planning stages before devastation hits. After just 12 weeks of pregnancy, we find out that we lost the baby at around 7 weeks.

January 7th, 2010:
I'm browsing stock photos online at the office to use in a new brochure. The search category I typed is "security". For some reason, baby pictures are peppered throughout the list. Why are BABY pictures in here? At first it's cute to see the pics, and then a twinge of sadness creeps in. A year ago, I found out I was pregnant, and then we lost the baby in March. We started back into the adoption process, and waited. At this point we've been trying/adopting/pregnant/adopting again for almost 3 1/2 years. I. WANT. A. BABY. Other people have babies. Why can't I have one? It's the usual frustrating/impatient/almost depressing thoughts that creep into my mind once in awhile. Then, Baron calls.
B: Whatcha doin?
Me: {in a slightly bored tone, because I'm late leaving for lunch & the hunger pangs are kicking in} Looking at stock photos online.
B: We've been chosen.
Me: What?
B: WE'VE. BEEN. MATCHED.
Me: Are you SERIOUS?! {of course he's serious, this is nothing to joke about!}
B: {gives the details of the birthmother} She wants to talk to us on a conference call either today or Monday.
So, we scheduled a conference call. Talk about nerves. I didn't have butterflies in my stomach, I had giant moths. You know, the scary looking furry kind of moths. And they didn't go away until after the phone call. Which, by the way, went very well, and the birthmother was convinced that she wanted us to parent her child! She is having a baby girl, due April 12th. We are so excited, it's surreal. I can honestly say I'm more excited now than I was when I got pregnant. I don't know if it's the short timeline to wait for the baby to arrive, or the fact that we've been waiting a year longer now, or just the romantic unknown that comes with this adoption process, or maybe that THIS is really what God's plan is for us so He is putting that feeling of excitement in me. But WOW. What an exciting time for us! In the next few weeks we will be going up to South Carolina to meet the birthmother.

Please pray with/for us over the next few months!!

God, thank you so much for this awesome blessing. Thank you for bringing us to this point in our lives and for choosing us to go through this wonderful process of adoption. Our prayer is that this is the baby you want us to raise. Help us to trust you to work out your will for us. Keep your hand on the birthmother & her baby. Keep them safe & healthy. And help us to show your love to them, always. Please deliver this baby to us safely in your time. Amen.