Tuesday, March 20, 2007

this one's for the ladies...

Alright ladies, it's that time of year once again!! I think we need to be reminded of a few things. So PLEASE, raise your big toe and recite the following pledge...

The Open-Toed Shoe Pledge

I pledge to follow the Rules when wearing sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will either go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free.

I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, or sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes are as long as my fingers and no sandal makes creepy feet look good.

I will promise if I wear flip flops that I will ensure that they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go to my local nail salon at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $15 or 20 and worth EVERY penny).

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear... nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals.

Thank you.


  1. No duct tape?!? Baron shouldn't let you go out and play with Ashley any more. You are forgetting your redneck roots.

  2. Oh, I would love to be able to make this pledge, but I am SO guilty of just touching up the polish on my big toe. I do plan to get a pedicure though. It's a treat any time, but especially when one is pregnant!

  3. By the way, I did the "how many of me" thing. There are 752 Sara Walkers, and only 8 Sara Piggs. I went from unique to ordinary... :) Seriously, I'm NOT complaining about that!

  4. Haha, Sara - I touch up my big toe, too. Guilty. I am a hypocritical blogger.

  5. Is a bandaid an acceptable coverup to a bad toenail bruise??

  6. hahahahahaha....this is awesome and should be sent to every female out there. and btw, i just choose to avoid having ANY pure white shoes whatsoever. i am way too clumsy to own any of those.

  7. What's up with that picture? A little scary if you ask me.

    I agree, but alas, am guilty of touching up the big toe.

  8. I think touching up the big toe is acceptable if the others are perfectly fine??? At least that's how I'd interpret that rule. I just leave the nails natural... and usually have on closed toe shoes anyways...

  9. what roxy?? are you kidding me? I get it. really. lets sit around and laugh at the high maintenence girl cause she likes to shop and was spoiled as a child and has issues with her husband. hahaha. lets all laugh. ;) hello! I totally tape my shoes! ha! b ut it is a cultured art, as long as you can do it tastefully. and its a good day if I havent simply painted over layers AND shaved my toes, period. yeah, im archaicly gross like that. (sp??)