if at first you don't succeed...take a break!

Several of you have asked me how our "baby making" efforts have been going. Well, obviously, they aren't working. :-) But, to keep you up to date on what we've been doing, here's a recap of what we've been through up to this point. {If you aren't interested, feel free to skip over this post. I won't be offended. Much. ;-)} This is partly for you to know what's going on with us, partly to help anyone out there who might be going through the same thing, and partly for my own benefit so I can have a journal of what we've been through. Ok, back on track...

In September 2006, Baron & I (ok really it was mostly me, and I talked Baron into it) decided we were ready to start trying to have a baby. I stopped taking my birth control, and at first my attitude was "we won't try, but we won't not try". That didn't last long. I was counting days & reading online articles about how to get pregnant after the first month.

For several months, I was discouraged that I wasn't pregnant yet, but I also realized that it takes most couples up to a year to get pregnant. So I was ok. Until the one-year mark started getting close. I started charting, taking my basal temperature, and doing the at-home ovulation predictor tests. Everything appeared normal, and I still wasn't pregnant. Then I decided to pursue this thing a little more. I talked to my doctor about what to do next {this is my new doctor; I had switched because my other gyno doesn't deliver babies anymore & I thought I would need an OB soon...little did I know}. That's when I started having blood work done once a month to check my progesterone level. {Your progesterone is at a certain level when you get to day 21 of your cycle, if you ovulated successfully.} Every month, my progesterone level was normal. My doctor suggested I try Clomid, because sometimes you can be ovulating "regularly" but not necessarily "effectively", and Clomid can sometimes help. Well, I took the lowest dose that Clomid is administered in {50 mg}, and when I went in for my 21-day progesterone blood work, my levels were WAY too high. Just looking at my test results, my nurse actually thought I might be pregnant...with twins. Yikes. So the Clomid had overstimulated my ovaries, which can cause ovarian cysts, so I didn't take Clomid anymore. Also during this time, Baron was tested {guys only have one test they have to take...while us girls have like a million...BOOOO...} and his test results were normal.

The next step was to have a hysterosalpingogram {HSG}, which is a procedure to determine if your Fallopian tubes are blocked. At that time, it was November {2007} and nearing the holiday season, and the nurse said it could be hard to schedule the procedure with the doctors going on vacation, and the procedure has to be done at a certain time of the month, yadda yadda yadda, so I opted not to do it at that time. Well, in January 2008, while I was at Last Hour chaperoning a bunch of teenagers, I had what I can only describe as a knock on the noggin. {Click here to read my previous post about it.} This was a major spiritual experience for me, because I had finally felt at peace with waiting on God's plan in my life. I was ok with waiting.

The only problem with me at that point in time is that I was only thinking of myself. I was ok with waiting, but I hadn't even considered Baron's feelings. When a couple struggles with infertility, that's just it: the couple struggles. I was so focused on how well I was doing that I hadn't even thought of how Baron was doing. And I found out in March that he wasn't as keen on waiting as I was. I just didn't even realize how badly he wanted a baby. So, I called up my doctor and scheduled the HSG. I was very nervous because I didn't quite know what to expect. My appointment was in April, and when I got to the hospital, I got myself so worked up & nervous over the procedure that I passed out after it was over. Yep, I'm a wimp. The procedure wasn't even that bad. I'm just a wimp. :-) But the good news is that the test was normal. My tubes aren't blocked.

So now what? I got a call from Dr. Dupre later that week, and he told me I had two options. (1) Go back on Clomid, but cut the pills in half to get a lower dosage, or (2) have laparoscopic surgery to give the doctor a chance to "look around" inside me. Dr. Dupre said I am at a very low risk for finding anything in a laparoscopy, so of course I opted to try Clomid again.

I was on Clomid from May through July, when I decided to stop taking it. For a couple of reasons: first of all, Clomid has a few possible side effects, one of which is hot flashes, and let me tell you - those about drove me crazy. I do NOT look forward to menopause after experiencing those.

The other reason I decided to come off Clomid: I need a break. It's been almost 2 years since we started trying, and it's tiring. It's emotionally and mentally stressful, and I am ready to quit. Honestly, part of me wants to just give up altogether. I know that will change, so instead of calling this "quitting" I'm calling it a "break". And to be honest, it is a huge relief to know that for at least a few months, I won't be taking Clomid, or getting blood work, or watching the calendar, or paying attention to my cervical fluid {sorry, TMI}, or scheduling sex {sorry, TMI again}, or having a procedure done. Whew.

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More info:

Overview of Infertility
RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association
Home Remedies for Infertility
Estrogen Dominance
Natural Horomone Balancing