So...at what point do I get to start parking here?
The other day I was at Goody's, and I saw this parking spot. {By the way, why does it have a stroller on the sign? It's for Expectant Mothers, not Already Mothers. They should have an image of a fat prego lady on there. I digress.} I am ashamed to admit that I actually considered taking advantage of the front row spot. I was tired, and I only planned to be inside for a few minutes. After all, I AM an expectant mother. And the only reason I was exhausted was because of the little Zippy growing at the speed of light inside my belly. But suddenly all I could think about was all the times I sneered at drivers zooming into the handicapped spots, hurriedly placing the placard in the rearview mirror, and hopping out of their car to rush into the store. Handicapped? Really? Is that placard left over from your sprained ankle 2 years ago? Seriously. I could just see my not-showing-yet-only-a-few-weeks-pregnant-self pulling into the ONE AND ONLY Expectant Mothers spot, as the out-of-breath 8-month pregnant mom waddles down the aisle from her spot out in the middle of Egypt and I hop out of the car and bounce past her so I can get inside first. As these thoughts ran through my mind, I patiently {ok not so patiently} drove down the aisle to take my parking spot 2 miles from the door.
I guess I should at LEAST be showing before I park there.
Very funny and well-written. I am thrilled to see that "Zippy" has caught on. You know the walk is good for you and that the sign would be destroyed if it had the profile of an about-to-burst pregnant woman. You on September 7 (Labor Day); "Baron, park here! I can't walk from the middle of Egypt. And get out and tear down that disgusting sign!"
ReplyDeleteBaron; "Yes, dear."
That space is reserved for you on those days, at thing stage in pregnancy, when you feel like barfing on your steering wheel and can't make it 3 spaces farther. In a few months, it'll be because if you were to park any farther you might risking peeing on yourself. After that, it's because waddling has a strict 30-yard maximum. AND THEN: EVERY FREAKING MOM OUT THERE THAT HAS A CHILD should get special parking EVERYWHERE. It is INSANE how many times kids try and run off in parking lots - the closer to the door, the less the risk of death by squashing. The more children you have with you to unload, the closer the space should be to the door.
ReplyDeleteSidenote: I had my father-in-law write me a "dr.'s excuse" to obtain a temporary handicap tag for U of A during my last months of pregnancy. Due to construction, I was having to walk a 1/2 mile to 2 classes and then back (that 2 miles people!). It was totally worth it and might have saved me from early labor...
I love how they have these signs at church too!
ReplyDeleteAt the Babies R Us in Huntsville, they had millions of those signs, and they were always full. :(
yeah. if I saw you park there, skinny mini I would be pretty mad. Sorry. you have to waddle. or at least be showing. and then if you already have kids, you still get trumped because those other moms might beat you up. trust me.
ReplyDeleteYou'll know when you need it. And then you will be so thankful the kind soul who put that sign up.
ReplyDeleteHa to the buggy! I was so embarrassed when Justin started parking in the one at church. When I had difficulty walking and by the end, I didn't mind parking there one bit.
ReplyDelete